Tuesday, 6 August 2013

An honorary boy.

One of my best mates is getting married next month and I was invited to attend the Stag do to Munich as an honorary boy. Breakfast at Heathrow airport consisted of 2 pints of cider and a round of jagerbombs.

When we arrived at Munich, we dropped our man bags off at the hotel and headed straight for the Olympic park for a tour. The reason being is that Jim (the groomsman) is a massive tit Norwich City fan and in 1993, they beat Bayern Munich 2-1 at the stadium and Norwich is apparently the only English team to have ever beaten them (I think. I wasn't paying too much attention).

Here is Mark modelling the 1972-style hairdryers in the changing rooms.

OK, culture section of the Stag do complete. Next stop, the best ribs in Bavaria. Tons and tons and tons of ribs.

And bibs.

And Biergartens.

And drunken idiots riding a lion.

A trip to Munich wouldn't be complete without a visit to the English gardens which is a large public park with a ridiculously fast river flowing through it.

And although swimming is 'forboden', everyone hops in to cool off and hurtle downstream in a ridiculously fast current. Here are the boys about to swim under the bridge.

Pink bikes were all the rage for the best men and Jim. Here is Strowger aka The Beer Baron, who returned to the park with only 1 crate of beer for us all. There were originally two, but the balancing act didn't work out.

Everyone looked decidedly camp on bikes...

But not as camp as the groom in his super hot lederhosen.

Excellent trip. Excellent lads.

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Hoofty Club

Just testing a new blog I've been working on this past week...



Monday, 10 December 2012

Dogs, tinfoil, wine and love.

I love living in the countryside. I love living in an old house with all its charm. I don't love the lack of double glazing as I freeze in winter. I do love wine and hoodies to warm the old cockles in this facking cold house.

I love reading Cesar Millan's book on how to train your dog when your dog looks like she's behaving.

I love to train Bella to stick her arse in my face and fart.

I love to train her to jump on me and demand to play tug of war as I read the 'how to train your dog' book. 

I love cute little wine bottle tops when I am tipsy.

I love washing my boots in the cold due to the bogs I traipse through when I'm walking the dog. In the cold.  

And I love having to clean the dog and the bath after the walk. 

Another thing I love is when I put a pan in the oven, as instructed to by a Jamie Oliver recipe and then I love it when I take it out of the oven, pop it on the stove and forget the handle is exceptionally hot and grasp it.

I also love it when I call my mum to tell her what I've done and she instructs me to cover my hand in bicarbonate of soda and wrap it in tinfoil. God only knows if she was joking but in desperation, I try it. Fail.

But most of all, I absolutely love Cleo and her ridiculous facial expressions.

Country living is lush.

Love it.

Sunday, 2 December 2012

Christmas has arrived in Bulwick.

Tis a tad nippy outside and I was toasty warm this morning with my dog scarf.

Jen disappeared for a few minutes and I heard the all too familiar sound of the Christmas box being dragged from the outhouse. I was then instructed to get dressed and was marched out to the garden centre where Jen picked the christmas tree and 99% of all other decorations.  If Jen had gotten her way we would have had that bloody tree up in November.

The next task was to chop the bloody tree stump so it could fit in the stand. After 10 minutes of chopping, Jen was getting a little bit pissed off.

She eventually chopped enough to get it to fit and got to work with the decorating. I don't have the patience to do this. Even if I did decide to have a go, Jen would take it all down and do it her way. So I just don't bother and leave it to Fanny Ann.

I did buy one decoration at the garden centre and when I was making dinner I noticed that Jen had put it behind the sink in a place that no one would see. How very rude. So I took my little ornament and put it on the mantel piece in the kitchen where it is visible to all.

I call him Santa Chicken.

The house is now looking far more Christmassy.

(yes, Jen often converts the sofa into a bed)

We also think a little furry visitor had been using the Christmas stockings as a bed in the outhouse and took a dislike to December 14th.

And after the Christmas tree stump hiccup, I fed Jen steak pie and beer. Her mood greatly improved.

Joyeux Noelle!!

Thursday, 29 November 2012


Last week we took a short break to Sharm el Sheikh with Jen's mum (aka Mumma B) for some winter sun and relaxation. Cleo wasn't too impressed at us leaving and voiced her concern.

If my bag had air holes in it, Cleo would have had numerous new brothers and sisters. I've never seen so many feral kittens in my life.

Jen told me to stop picking them up 'because they were riddled with disease and were dangerous'. I tell you what is dangerous Jeni. Egypt. I was closely following the news prior to our departure and a week before we left for Sharm, 5 terrorists had been arrested after plotting to blow up Westerners in...yep, you guessed it...Sharm el Sheikh in the lead up to Christmas. The terror level had been raised from green to orange and my poor mum was beside herself with worry.

'Don't worry mum' said I. 'We won't stray off the tourist trail'. So the first day we got there, Photographer Smith decided she wanted to take pictures of the real Egypt which involved leaving the tourist trail and wandering into the place where all the homeless lived.

Don't worry mum, we won't go off into the Sinai desert where there have been multiple kidnappings of Westerners to go quad biking.

Don't worry mum, I'll look after my whiter than white, transparent skin and not get horrifically sunburnt whilst snorkelling in the Red Sea where there have recently been sightings of killer sharks.

Don't worry mum, I'll make sure I only eat food that has been prepared in a sterile kitchen and not by the Bedouin tribal people who have probably never even used toilet paper in their life.

Don't worry mum, I'll make sure that I don't get run over by a small child pushing a buggy in front of a camel watching performing belly dancers.

Don't worry mum, I won't take a ride on a camel which is controlled by a 6 year old child woesn't speak a word of English and isn't particularly bothered about me so long as he gets his £1 tip.

And I promise not to wade into a landfill site riddled with typhoid and cholera in the middle of the desert just so Jen can take a piss 'in private'.

But I do promise to sit by the beach and soak up the sun (in the shade).

And I also promise to take the piss out of the crazy Russian (male) tourists who think that they look good wearing a thong.

Don't worry mum, we got home safe and sound and Cleo was super pleased to see us.

Jen took a load of great photos on her film camera and I'll do a post once she has had them processed.

Home safe and sound!

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

The past few weeks documented through my iPhone camera.

Yep, I disappeared off the face of the Earth the past couple of months. But now I'm back. According to my iPhone camera, here is what has happened.

Cleo helped me clear the spiders webs in the Outhouse.

Jen, Eve and Tash got comfy on Mumma B's sofa after a roast dinner one Sunday. Jen, you are a heavy oaf according to your sister's face in this pic.

I accomplished my first autocorrect fail.

It got cold. We ran out of firewood so I decided to burn my bedside cabinet.

Once it caught, we thought the whole living room was going up in smoke.

I've been mountain biking a lot.

and I've signed up to go biking here in December (brrrrr).

Bella continues to whine when she knows she is near her brother Benji's house.

She also disregards all her toys and enjoys things removed from the garden. On my lap.

Cleo has been to the vets 3 times in 5 weeks because a bastard cat down the road keeps attacking her.

She is currently meditating and appears to be content once more.

I developed a strange rash.

And my face went super red.

So I cut out gluten for a bit.

And made extra tasty meals minus the wheat.

Et voila!

Back to a normal shake of milk bottle white. And back to my random blogging.
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